What is your self-confidence built on?

Ever wonder why some people seem so self-confident? Why sometimes you can be so confident and other times not so much? What exactly is self-confidence and how do you improve it?

Terms like self-esteem, self-image, and self-confidence all seem to get intertwined so let's look at what they truly mean and how they work together. Before we look at self-confidence let's talk about your:

1. Ideal Self: This is your best future self, your "ideal" self. Do you have an image of yourself as this super badass confident woman who is not afraid to ask for what she wants( firmly and politely), go after what she truly wants, have the kind of body, relationship, job, or success you seek? I hope your self-ideal is beautiful, happy, and strong. If not, there's your starting point. Start dreaming and believing in YOU 2.0!

A version of you that makes you reach and stretch and smile when you think of her /you!

She is the goal, but you will need to first know your current self and what behaviors are getting you closer to that goal, and which ones are keeping you from it

There is a space between your IDEAL SELF and your current SELF , this is where the growth is and where you will live most often in life, you are living in the gap! The growth gap that is!

It is where you are evolving and achieving, reaching, and stretching toward your ideal!

If by chance you do reach your ideal self it won't be long before you want something more or different. You are always evolving and operating with 3 critical things in play: your self-image, self-esteem, and self-confidence

2. Self Image: What are you "thinking " about yourself right NOW ? This is the first pillar of self-confidence. Your self-image is your current THOUGHTS about yourself. Some of those thoughts are conscious and some are suppressed and unconscious but they are operating like the software in the background. This is a critical part of how "self-confident" you are.

Positive, encouraging, accepting thoughts of yourself will strengthen your confidence while negative, critical, judgemental thoughts will weaken your confidence.

A simple way to see just how positive and accepting of yourself you really are is by doing a character inventory. Google a list of character /personality traits. SLOWLY and with great awareness read each word and LISTEN to what you are THINKING and FEELING about each word. Is there a kind voice affirming or a critical judging voice with you? Can you embrace and accept, and be PROUD all your strengths( your list should be LONG) as well as your negative traits? ( negative traits are simply hindering traits, not helpful qualities or behaviors that can be managed). Remember we all are a mixed bag of strengths and weaknesses!

Every quarter has a flip side and so do people! We ALL are sugar and spice and not always nice! The spice in us sometimes is cayenne pepper, it burns, stings, and hurts us and others occasionally. If you focus on your negative traits, condemn and criticize yourself your foundation for confidence will be shaky at best. Learn to love your strengths and accept your weaknesses. Create a list of all your positive traits and focus on them often not on your weakness If you have a weakness that is hindering your life the best way to overcome it is to focus on the strengths side of it!

Find the antidote to any weakness and practice more of that! Ie: the antidote(opposite) of fear is faith, love, and trust find new thoughts and practices to increase your faith, love, and trust in yourself and others. Focus on the solution, not the problem. Flip all your shortcomings over, focus on your positive attributes/strengths, think well of yourself and your efforts, and you will FEEL better about yourself. which brings us to pillar # 2- how you feel, your...

3.Self Esteem: Is the second pillar of self-confidence. Your self-esteem is how you FEEL about yourself vs your self-image comes from your thoughts They do go hand in hand because your feelings come from your thoughts. ( read that again!)

Let's consider how you feel when you think you are "wonderful, kind, smart...etc . You should feel good! Now when you think you are " weak, stupid, a failure, fat, etc.) you feel bad!

The natural progression starts from what you think( conscious or not) which creates a feeling which is the energy that spurs your actions( how you show up). The actions or the way you show up and present yourself is...

4. Self-confidence: ( showing poise and belief in your own worth). How you show up, how you act! That is your self-confidence!

Are you meek, shy or scared, withdrawing ? or bold, brave and firm, and stepping forward with ease and command? If your thoughts and feeling are positive and accepting you will have poise, belief, and ease, that will have you acting with faith and a sense of power and assurance. You will feel assured that you will be ok regardless of the outcome because you will know that you are not your outcome and you can handle any outcome.

The results of your life will be the byproduct of this formula: Self-image ( thoughts) > create > Self Esteem ( feelings) > create Self Confidence ( actions) > create RESULTS!

This is why self-confidence is critical to understand. If you want to control the RESULTS in your life you will first need to manage and master your thoughts, feelings, and actions! Your SELF- Image, esteem, and self-confidence!

If you want to learn more about confidence, overcoming fears, adversity and challenges, visit the home page of Becoming Invincible, sign up for a group coaching call, or book a 1 on 1 session!