What's your problem?

Problems- Our brains seem to want to focus on them so much, like a sliver in your finger or a pebble in your shoe! It could be the smallest of things and we will put all our focus there. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not advocating living on that river of denial but I do think we might want to think about just how much we focus on problems. I am going to go as far as to say that in doing so we are actually making many of them worse than they really are and create more!

How one handles and reacts to problems, small and large ones, is dependent on many factors like temperament, personality, intelligence, emotional intelligence, self-awareness, beliefs, and habits, and brain/mental health! (For purposes of this writing, I am addressing the “average” worrier with the average amount of angst and preoccupation with problems.)

For the people with anxiety disorders or highly anxious brains, this may not dig deep enough and for the chill bean folks who cruise right along handling problems with a Sunday morning ease, you can probably stop reading. If neither is you then carry on, I think you may find this helpful.

I have had more than my share of problems and yes I even currently have a few! BUT I noticed how focusing on them too much made me feel worse and kept me stuck so I LEARNED to switch my focus quickly to positive possibilities!

Focusing on problems has often taken me out of that wonderful state of bliss, faith, curiosity, and aw that I have when I’m focusing on pleasant things like; things that are working well, the people I love and am loved by, my dreams, my curiosities and hobbies, and my wonderful connection to nature and my higher power.

So how do you address the “problems” of life without slipping into that anxious, stressed, and preoccupied problem, stuck mindset?

Here are my top 3 recommendations for dealing with problems:

Let’s first look at the definition of the word problem:

(a matter or situation regarded as unwelcome or harmful and needing to be dealt with and overcome.)

1. "Notice" when you are “thinking" about your problems with a sense of anxiousness, stress, or fear and RELABEL THEM!

Imagine if a child came to you with a problem, you would be compassionate, calm, and collaborative. You might even give them a different perspective on it and show them it’s not really a “problem” as much as an opportunity, misunderstanding (wrong thinking), FEAR, or a chance to learn or experience something new! So when you face a “problem”, collaborate with your brain, literally say to yourself something like this: hey (brain) "I see you have accumulated fearful thoughts and default reactions to this perceived “problem” and you want to find a solution FAST! I love that you want to fix this but let’s not be hasty or use the wrong data or strategies. I’m sure we will solve this. This is not a crisis! (shutting down the fight or flight alert!)

A problem really is just an opportunity to OBSERVE MORE, have NEW EXPERIENCES, OVERCOME A NEW OBSTACLE, LEARN, AND MAKE WISE CHOICES! They can even turn out to be something GOOD and HELPFUL! Tell your brain " This can be an adventure/ opportunity, not a problem!" (the problem is now relabeled as “adventure” or “opportunity” or if you are competitive try labeling it a “challenge’’)

2. Stop expecting there NOT to be “problems” and needing them to be solved FAST!

Stress is the real “problem “isn’t it? When dealing with a problem, we get stressed or anxious.

The truth is that we need new situations and challenges, and they aren’t all going to be easy! It's a matter of CHANGE and people don’t like change! ( I can even admit to that and I pride myself on being the queen of change.) Change is often the unwelcome and unexpected part of the problem. The more we can adapt to the changes and challenges that we face the more resilient and alive we become and we even get smarter! Scientists have proven that our brains need a moderate dose of stress( challenge) to perform optimally. Too little stimulus and our brain cells get sluggish and even die! The right amount of stress allows our brains to expand and even grow! So, stress, challenges, problems are all essential to our health and growth! The key is to keep stress to a moderate level. How many times have we heard moderation is the key! Too many “problems” can overload us and create stress overload. Overload will just create bad judgment and impulsive behavior which will just create more problems. So, before you can moderate stress you have to CALM DOWN, which is my final recommendation and maybe the most important one!

3. Keep Calm and carry on! How do you stay calm when life throws you challenges and obstacles? Do you meditate, pray, exercise do visualization work, do yoga, mindfulness practice, paint, play or listen to relaxing music? All of these helps to keep your brain out of fight or flight mode and into optimal “problem-solving mode”. So when a problem arises it may seem our first response is to solve, act or think our way out when maybe our best course of action would be to pause and breathe... and pause some more and breathe some more and pause once more and breathe again! The activities (practices) I mentioned above require effort and time but then again, anxiety is ALSO A PRACTICE that can take up your energy and time! You are free to choose how to spend your energy and time! Choose wisely!

In a world where being anxious, uptight, stressed out, overwhelmed is sometimes seen as a sign of a productive, motivated person, even accepted as necessary for success it can be hard to do the opposite and KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON!  Dare to go against the flow and PRACTICE finding calm to combat life's stresses and “problems”. Indulge more in calming, mind soothing enjoyable thoughts and practices and You will find as I said in step 1 there are really no problems only adventures, opportunities, and challenges that are here for your growth!

If you have problems or obstacles that you can't seem to get past or patterns that are keeping you from moving through life calm and confident visit my site and sign up for a free coaching session so we can discuss working together to help you “Become invincible”- too powerful to be overcome or defeated!) www.lifebydesignwiththeresa.com